there are those days when things can get so frustrating you don't believe it. camp days the past two days were incredibly lousy. so lousy you reflect if your anger was unfounded. that all your complaints disappointment were rooted to inevitable situations which nobody wanted. of course not. the disappointment was true and unaffected by other events. it only went to prove the point i previously mentioned to sx and agreed upon. focus is obviously wrong. and not worth it. so foolish. my goodnes, why should i even feel pissed about it? i have other things to do. other things to put my mind on. other people to rely on. but such is a man who wears his heart on his sleeves. impossibly mad at times; delirious with joy and enthusiasm; brooding with deadly gloom when sad; and insanely furious when angered. a convenient term would be:bitch. yup.


and when you look deeper into the issue, it's about being too true to your feelings and that is a taboo people. it's a freaking taboo. it irks people. people irk you. sometimes it puts people off, and the worst thing is you don't care. people who care are mystified: why so serious?


a man who lives by principles does not have peace. he can have fun. but not peace. life is a constant turbulence of up and downs. and until you find the reason, and true anchor to life you can't be settled.


thank you for providing momentary peace sometimes. i know i need to find some familiar goodness soon. forever.


they say don't look back in anger. i hope don't look back in guilt. for other crimes. but not killing this?! it's as if i am sorry i got stabbed, and hurt. ridiculous. and certainly overly dramatic. mind blowingly childish. that's me.


and thus i cash out of this game. a different player. or so i say.